Back to Life.

 The story of Lazarus has always been an interesting one to me. I have no doubt it's been interesting to my readers as well if they have read it. I mean...Jesus brings back to life a dead man. Like, what?! But, that's only a part of the interesting part of this story for me. I have always read a piece of it that perplexed me until recently. 

Jesus hears about Lazarus being sick and scripture tells us that Jesus loves Martha and her sister Mary and Lazarus and tells us that this will not end in death for Lazarus. And yet, scripture also says right after Jesus professes his love for them - that he is going to stay where he was for two more days and then go back to Judea. Jesus knew Lazarus was sick and nearing death and yet Jesus didn't race off to go save Lazarus from death. Instead Jesus waited until Lazarus was dead and then showed up on the scene. I always thought this was so odd - until recently. 

By the time Jesus shows up Lazarus had already been in his grave for FOUR days. I am sure those around him, the disciples - Mary and Martha - had to have been wondering what good it would do now to show up. But, Jesus knew what He would do and that God would receive all the glory for what was about to happen. Even Martha says to Jesus that if He had been there sooner her brother would not have died. It's at this moment Jesus expresses again that anyone who believes in him won't truly die - but will have life everlasting. Then Mary says the same thing to Jesus that Martha did as they get closer to the grave. Everyone was crying. It was quite the scene I am sure - knowing what He was going to do. But, he continued and had them roll away the stone. 

I love what Martha says here - "It's been four days. The smell is going to be terrible!". How practical, ha! But, Jesus simply reminders her (again) "if you believe you will see God's glory". And then the unthinkable (for everyone but Jesus) happens. And if you have heard this story you know - Jesus tells Lazarus to come out and he does! 

Out of darkness. Out of a grave. Into the light. Jesus brings Lazarus back to life. It really is an incredible story that maybe we gloss over sometimes. I say that to say - this story has wrecked me lately. Well, if I am being honest - the Holy Spirit has been wrecking me for months now. In the best way possible and I truly believe that the same can happen for you! 

As usual - this was all brought on by a worship song that when I first heard it several months ago was just a good worship song. And now I can't listen to it without falling to my knees and feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit all over me. The song is "Back to Life" by Bethel Music. 

"Just like Lazarus

Oh, you brought me back to life."

I don't like to admit it. But, I think I've been in a fog for years now. I was doing the motions. I was doing the things I was supposed to do. But, I wasn't living out my faith the way I should be. I wasn't tuning into the Holy Spirit the way God had hoped I would. I didn't even know what it felt to truly feel the Holy Spirit come upon me in my prayers until the last couple of months. And I as I have been listening to this song and re-reading the story of Lazarus I have realized that God lifted the veil in my life. God opened my eyes. God opened my heart. Jesus lifted the fog and I see God, life, and ministry in a whole new light. And I feel like a completely new person - the best version of myself that I have seen so far. It's sad to think about how long I have been living in a fog. But, if we allow God to - He can open our eyes, mold us, deepen us, empower us, and use us. 

"The enemy thought he had me

but Jesus said, 'You are mine'."

I can promise you one thing. I will not allow a fog to cover my eyes, heart, mind, soul, spirit ever again. I will actively be living in faith and in the Holy Spirit. I will be preaching of the goodness of God and what He can do. The enemy thought he had me, but Jesus has the final word in my life and can have the final word in your life too! 

What darkness might you be living in? What fog might be covering your eyes from the Truth? Maybe it's trauma. Maybe it's just going through the motions like me and not inviting the Holy Spirit in enough. Maybe it's loss. Maybe it's mental illness. One thing I know for sure. There is nothing that our God cannot do. No one is past the point of redemption and no one is past the point of the Holy Spirit working mightily in their lives. God can and will lift the veil if you ask for it. I pray over each and every one of my readers who might be living in a state of fog or darkness. I pray the light reaches you. I pray you realize that the enemy does not have you, but that Jesus DOES have you. 

How do I know that Jesus has me? Well, I am going to be a little vulnerable here. Over the last couple of months I had been interviewing for a church and a position that I hadn't ever done before. I got really far in the process to the point where we were visiting the church and the department I was looking at pastoring for. It was over the last couple of months that God was doing an intense work in my life and I felt good and at peace about moving forward. But, I also prayed yesterday that God would give me peace no matter what the outcome and that I trusted in His ways completely. I got the call yesterday that though the pastors really loved Adam and I and our family - they just didn't feel at peace about moving forward. Oof. It hurt. I would be lying if I didn't say that rejection hurts. And I did have a good cry about it because it was a church that I was very hopeful for. God is doing a mighty mighty work and is on the move in this church and I truly believe the right person and fit will come into this church and do an amazing work with them. But, within a couple of hours after I received the news I realized that I was completely at peace about this decision and am hopeful moving forward. 

I am hopeful because through the process of interviewing for this church God lifted the fog, opened up new things for me, and helped me realized - now more than ever - that when the right church and position comes up I am more ready than I ever have to step into ministry again. I am more ready than I ever have to come alongside the Lord and I know the Holy Spirit will guide me every step of the way. I look forward to that day - but, I am also so at peace about the season I am in. I can't wait to be incredibly intentional with my kids this summer and I believe in the next year God will open another door. 

But, for now. I am going to live all out for my Jesus. I am going to preach about what He is doing in my life and in the lives of others. I am going to continue to speak truth. I am going to do ministry a little differently. God is on the move in the world. And I am so excited to be a part of it! Because I truly believe that Jesus brought me back to life. Brought me back to a place where I am healthy and ready for whatever it is He wants me to do.