I Am Still A Pastor.

 Life is a little strange right now. 

About a year and a half ago I felt like God was leading me in a different direction and with a heavy heart I resigned from a position at a church I had been at for almost 5 years. A church that really was home and framily. It was incredibly painful, and if I am being honest - I wonder often if I made the right decision. I pray through that a lot. 

I quickly jumped into another position at a new church. I was excited for what God would do there. But, what I shoved aside was that I never gave myself time to grieve the loss of what was. I think I only gave myself a week. I needed more time. I also realized in the 10 months at the new church that I was on the brink of serious burnout in ministry. I have no doubt that this started before I took on this new position and I still feel terrible that the new church family got caught in the crossfire. So, if you are reading this from the church we recently left - I apologize and we love you! 

With that I am sure you can gather that after a very short 10 months I resigned again. I hated it. But, I also knew for my mental and spiritual health and so that I would not burnout from ministry all together and leave it for good - I needed to do this. 

So, for the past 3 months or so I have been in a season of rest. A season of just being wife and mom. I have loved it! I have been more present than I have in a while with my family. I have spent very intentional time in scripture. I have read many books. And God has brought about massive healing in my life. 

We started attending a new church - that is not Nazarene. Ya'll. I am a Nazarene pastor. Or, at least I think my credentials are still active for a little while longer. To be honest - I have no idea! I haven't been contacted otherwise yet. But, all that to say. It's been odd. It's been strange. 

I kind of feel like I am missing a part of my identity. I am not in a Nazarene church. I am not a pastor in a Nazarene church. I am just kind of floating when it comes to ministry. In some ways it's been a nice break. But, in other ways I cry when I see the pastors go to the front of the new church we have been attending during the prayer time to pray with their congregants because - well, that should be me. Maybe not in this church, but in a church. 

Because.

I am still a pastor. God has still called me to a life of ministry. 

I don't know when or where God will place us in a church again for full time ministry. I don't even know if it will be the Nazarene church. But, I do know that God has called me to pastor whether that is inside church walls or not. 

And so. In some ways my "season of rest" is over. I feel it in my soul that I need to do something. I need to fulfill and live out what God has called me to do. 

"Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers."

1 Timothy 4:13-16

"Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction."

2 Timothy 4:2


I am a pastor. The elders laid their hands on me. God has given me a gift. What good would I be doing if I squandered it? 

I am not a pastor in a church right now. But I am a pastor. 

And so. With the way the world headed after the pandemic - what better way than to "pastor" via social media. Via blogging. And that is what this coming year holds for me. I will preach the word. I will live into the calling God has placed in my life. May the Holy Spirit speak through me always. 

I have no idea if God will place us in a church this year. But I know that I am stepping back into ministry this year. And if God uses this to reach even one person I will call that a win! 


With love, truth, and grace -

Pastor Nichole.

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